Baby Steps

My parents got here yesterday and I honestly could not be happier to have them here! We had a great day walking through San Francisco, taking them to a couple of our favorite places [Liguria, Lai Hong Lounge, Rogue], I cooked up a pretty tasty dinner [if I do say so myself ;)], and we polished off the last of the cheesecake

.

Mom Dad Golden Gate Bridge

I wanted to preface this post by saying that I actually wrote it last week. Though, I didn’t really want to hit publish on Valentine’s Day so I saved it. My feelings, unfortunately, haven’t budged since then [sorry ma], but I can guarantee you, I’m going to enjoy the hell out of this week with my parents. It’s the best.


You know that saying “the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence”?  Somehow I always forget how true it really is. I’ve been doing my best over the last couple months to roll with the punches but damn, change is hard. It’s not that I thought moving to California would make everything easier because trust me, leaving my family and friends was not easy. It still isn’t easy and I certainly have my off days.

Grass is greener

Rather than complaining about something, Nathan and I might say “welp.. that was a day” or “ok, that was food” [not that that ever happens in my kitchen ;)] and let’s just say last week was a week. I’ve been turned down from some pretty silly jobs since I’ve moved and while it might get me down one day, I might also laugh at it the next. You’re telling me I’m under-qualified for what?! Yea.. it happens. So I’ll concentrate on what I know best—eating and working out. Except somehow that was working better for me a year ago too.

I know I’ve mentioned feeling like I’ve found my stride in my food and workouts. That I feel like my body is regulating. And then shit hits the fan in another aspect of life and suddenly I’m questioning myself again. I find myself looking at my wedding pictures and thinking I had the willpower to do it then, so why not now? Sure, it might just be a couple pounds since the wedding but when I’m having a crappy day, I feel it and I see it. I thought I figured out my food and my workouts are consistent, as always, so what gives?

The other night I decided to take a look back at a week of food and workouts I tracked on My Fitness Pal. Turns out, I was consistently burning about 4000 calories from workouts per week. Now? We’re looking at about 2500 or so. Oh, so there’s a change in my body? Go freaking figure. I can share posts about throwing out the scale until I’m blue in the face, but it’s really easier said than done.

Screw the scale

Remember this little post? Yea. A year ago I was doing a minimum of 45 minutes of cardio everyday. Minimum! And you know what? I still wanted more out of myself. I’ve learned a bit since then and significantly cut back on my cardio but seeing the changes in my body makes sometimes makes me reconsider. And then I remember that I’m still getting my workouts in and I have better things to do than spend that much time on a machine.

Driving Cardio SomeEcards

I wish so, so hard that I didn’t feel this way. I wish that I could just enjoy my damn self. I wish that I could just say screw willpower and really mean it. My time will come when I truly accept my body for the way it is and what it can do. And we will figure out life in California. And I’ll figure out what the hell I’m supposed to do with my life. One step at a time. They may be baby steps right now, but we’ll get there.

In the meantime, I’m going to [try to] forget my crazy and make the most out of my time with my parents this week. I can guarantee you I wouldn’t have more fun if I had a 6-pack. Almost. Right?

Food for Thought

Do you question yourself?

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18 thoughts on “Baby Steps

  1. Oh hell, I question myself ALL the time. Not the healthiest of habits. But, like you I think, I am gradually (read, veryy slowllyyy) changing this – life is for living, not spending on a treadmill. You’ve got to hop off and see the world! Of course, if you are training for a high level sport you’re going to be training the majority of the time – for years I was rowing to a high level, and whilst I loved it and have no regrets, I now have back problems that I’ll have to life with forever (I’m 22). But then there are other, different dreams to be pursued…
    What I’m trying to say is it’s natural to question yourself, sometimes it can be for good reasons but sometimes we are just far too strict on ourselves and have to remember that life is for living…to the very fullest xxx

  2. Burning 4000 calories a week is a big calorie burn. I wouldn’t feel bad! I think you work out a lot and I always fall into the comparison trap that I don’t work out enough or burn enough calories. I’m 5 lbs from where I want to be (where I was a year ago even though I wasn’t happy then and just should have been ughhh) but guess what. I can’t go back to eating 1300-1400 calories and running everyday. Enjoy life. Enjoy food and the time you have. Try not to stress- I’d give anything for some free time!

  3. Oh my sweet, sweet friend. You know I get you. You know I feel you. I hope writing this helped you feel better and I hope the encouraging comments do too. I like what Pip said…life is too short to spend on the treadmill so hop off and see the world. How cool! I am almost positive that my life would not be as fun as it is if I had a 6-pack. That would mean not as much free time (hello living in the gym) and less of my favorite food (CHEESE ME BREAD ME) and drinks (fancy cocktails hello!) that give me so much joy. Exercise gives you joy but so does beer. Salads give you joy but so do desserts. Honestly, we should not be putting the things that give us joy in “good” or “bad” categories and only allowing ourselves to feel the joy from the “good”. After all, isn’t a “bad” food that lets us feel joy a “good” food because it makes us happy? Me thinks yes! This is a long journey and baby steps heck yes. We are taking them. But we – YOUUUU – can do it. XOXOXOXO

  4. I can totally relate to this! I’m getting married in a couple months and I totally have that needing to have “willpower” feeling. But then I tell myself it’s just a day, and there’s so much more to look forward to than always wanting to get a workout in. But it’s definitely hard!

  5. Brittany, I so admire your commitment to health AND your commitment to enjoying the life that good health makes possible! I think anyone who works out consistently, long-term observes ups and downs in their progress and their motivationi. Those fluctuations are totally natural. Personally, I think the best thing we can do for ourselves is ride those waves out with grace – the waves of motivation to hit the gym and the waves that draw our attention outside the gym to other things that enhance our lives – like making a new life in a new place and learning what it means to love that new life. I think you’re doing great!

  6. Have been struggling with this exact feeling for over 2 years now… constantly comparing myself to the body I had when I did nothing but work out for hours a day and survive on 1400 calories or less a day! I always feel disappointed in myself for not having that level of control of will power these days, but it wasnt healthy at all and im definitely living life much more now! I’m 10-15 lbs above where I know I’d feel a lot better, but i’m strong and very active so i know thats at least half the battle. The other half is saying no to chocolate, muffins, and pizza 😉 You are awesome and always inspire me via Instagram with your workouts and gorgeous bowls of oats!

    • Thank you for the kind words. It’s important that we both realized that working out as much as we were wasn’t the healthiest way to live. It’s much more important to live your life and occasionally say yes to chocolate, muffins, and pizza!

  7. We all go through times like this. Realize that you’re not alone and you have so many people here to support you. Also, this journey is for you! If you want get back to where you were, I know you can… Just take baby steps in the right direction. I know you’ll get there in no time 😉

    Lauren from http://www.laurenliveshealthy.com

  8. Pingback: Back to Reality | Barr & Table

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